Monday, October 01
On a slightly lighter note than last week, I present Ten Things I Wish I Could Make My Parrot Understand.
1) Ears do not come off.
2) This new toy you have discovered is my keyboard. It works better with the keys on.
3) It's cute how you climb using your beak. And it's cute how you crawl down inside my shirt to cuddle. However, no matter what they look like from underneath, some things are not to be used as climbing holds. If I want my nipples pierced, I will go to a professional.
4) Were the broom, mop, and spray bottle The Enemy, I'm sure they would be most impressed by the protective screams of a five-ounce parrot. However, they are not, and I am now deaf in one ear. Please stop helping.
5) Seriously. The ears? Do not come off. No, not even when you hang upside down from them by both feet and yank. My screams and ineffectual flailings were not intended as encouragement.
6) I am not sharing my cereal with you because dairy products are bad for you. Crawling down my arms is just going to make me juggle the bowl like it's a hot plate, and attacking my lips while I'm chewing is going to get you bitten. Sitting quietly until I get distracted and then doing a kamikaze jack-in-the-box dive into the bowl is effective but annoying, especially when I have to clean milk spatters off my screen. And dairy products are still bad for you.
7) This other new toy you have discovered is my computer. It works better without a bird chewing on the reset button.
8) Sticking your head in my mouth every time I yawn is not a survival tactic. Especially when your head is covered in tickly feathers.
9) You know, there are any number of things on people that Do Not Come Off. Moles, for example. Freckles. Fingernails. Noses. Lips. And EARS. Just because birds don't have these things does not mean I will look better after my emergency parrot-beak surgery.
10) Stop eating my story notes. I write slow enough as it is.
Speaking of writing, I'm back on the wagon, for however long that will last.
Rewrite Progress
Salvaged Words: Today? None. For the project as a whole? About 10, 700. Yes, I really am anal enough to track that, though as I'm typically chopping a quarter to a half of what I salvage I'm not exactly sure what I'm tracking.
New Words: 379.
Comments: Threw out the scene I was previously working on, because it was getting in my way. If it's important it'll wriggle back in somewhere. The important thing is that I get back to work on this damned thing, because I really, truly would like a functional draft before the end of the year.
1) Ears do not come off.
2) This new toy you have discovered is my keyboard. It works better with the keys on.
3) It's cute how you climb using your beak. And it's cute how you crawl down inside my shirt to cuddle. However, no matter what they look like from underneath, some things are not to be used as climbing holds. If I want my nipples pierced, I will go to a professional.
4) Were the broom, mop, and spray bottle The Enemy, I'm sure they would be most impressed by the protective screams of a five-ounce parrot. However, they are not, and I am now deaf in one ear. Please stop helping.
5) Seriously. The ears? Do not come off. No, not even when you hang upside down from them by both feet and yank. My screams and ineffectual flailings were not intended as encouragement.
6) I am not sharing my cereal with you because dairy products are bad for you. Crawling down my arms is just going to make me juggle the bowl like it's a hot plate, and attacking my lips while I'm chewing is going to get you bitten. Sitting quietly until I get distracted and then doing a kamikaze jack-in-the-box dive into the bowl is effective but annoying, especially when I have to clean milk spatters off my screen. And dairy products are still bad for you.
7) This other new toy you have discovered is my computer. It works better without a bird chewing on the reset button.
8) Sticking your head in my mouth every time I yawn is not a survival tactic. Especially when your head is covered in tickly feathers.
9) You know, there are any number of things on people that Do Not Come Off. Moles, for example. Freckles. Fingernails. Noses. Lips. And EARS. Just because birds don't have these things does not mean I will look better after my emergency parrot-beak surgery.
10) Stop eating my story notes. I write slow enough as it is.
Speaking of writing, I'm back on the wagon, for however long that will last.
Rewrite Progress
| |
18,497 / 100,000 (18.5%) |
Salvaged Words: Today? None. For the project as a whole? About 10, 700. Yes, I really am anal enough to track that, though as I'm typically chopping a quarter to a half of what I salvage I'm not exactly sure what I'm tracking.
New Words: 379.
Comments: Threw out the scene I was previously working on, because it was getting in my way. If it's important it'll wriggle back in somewhere. The important thing is that I get back to work on this damned thing, because I really, truly would like a functional draft before the end of the year.
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