Sunday, December 04
A few days ago I made tartiflette, which is a decadent potato and cheese dish that my mother had while she was in France. Unfortunately it doesn't really exist over here, and so to make it we were forced to cobble together one bad recipe and one badly-translated one. Here is my version of the process, for my reference and your potential amusement:
Tartiflette
1) Wake up Dan and make him explain how much a kilogram is.
2) Boil a kilogram of unpeeled, uncut potatoes until they are just short of being done - basically you can stick a fork in them but there's still a vague sensation of crunchiness when you do. Drain.
3) Dan is still asleep and has the blanket rather pointedly over his head, so figure out how much 200 grams is by logic and Internet. Then figure out that "lardons" means diced smoked bacon. Dice 200 grams of bacon and slice an onion, then gently fry them in butter. The recipe does not specify how much butter. Decide 2 tablespoons sounds good. They aren't supposed to brown, apparently, just turn slightly transparent.
4) Burn the holy hell out of your fingers - nope, potatoes aren't cool yet. Run cold water over them while nursing fingers, then peel and slice thickly.
5) Clean up before Dan wakes and finds out just how much of the kitchen can be covered in sticky potato peel.
6) Add potatoes to bacon and onions and cook gently for about 10 minutes. They are not suppose to brown either. Nothing is supposed to brown. It just sits in the pan cooking gently and experiencing a sense of warmth and well-being.
7) "One large glass white wine"? What the heck kind of measurement is that? Decide 3/4 cup sounds good, then discover that we only have 1/2 a cup left. Add this to the potatoes and simmer until reduced, which is not long.
8) The recipe calls for one reblochon, but we use Grayson on account of my mother makes it and there's oodles laying around. A strong-tasting washed-rind cheese is what you're looking for here. Cut the rind off whatever it is and cut it in thick slices - think "slab". Layer some potatoes on the bottom of a greased baking dish, then layer some cheese, then the rest of the potatoes and the rest of the cheese. The recipe calls the four tablespoons of cream "a bit excessive", but I put it in. As far as I'm concerned, there is no such thing as overkill with dairy products.
9) "Moderately hot"? Now, I don't know how you French do things, but we English pigdogs have numbers on our ovens. Set the oven to 350 and put the baking dish in.
10) Bake about 20 minutes, until the cheese is thoroughly melted - don't overcook or you will get puddles of grease. Tempt Dan into waking with the promise of food. Eat.
My methods are sometimes eccentric, but the results are good. Honest.
Writing Progress:
Today's Progress: 1,215 words
Comments: No one is hiring me as a speechwriter. But I'll fix it on the rewrite. It sure wasn't worth loosing two days to writer's block.
Snips: No. It is an icky speech. If the king were real he'd have my head for giving him a speech this bad.
Tartiflette
1) Wake up Dan and make him explain how much a kilogram is.
2) Boil a kilogram of unpeeled, uncut potatoes until they are just short of being done - basically you can stick a fork in them but there's still a vague sensation of crunchiness when you do. Drain.
3) Dan is still asleep and has the blanket rather pointedly over his head, so figure out how much 200 grams is by logic and Internet. Then figure out that "lardons" means diced smoked bacon. Dice 200 grams of bacon and slice an onion, then gently fry them in butter. The recipe does not specify how much butter. Decide 2 tablespoons sounds good. They aren't supposed to brown, apparently, just turn slightly transparent.
4) Burn the holy hell out of your fingers - nope, potatoes aren't cool yet. Run cold water over them while nursing fingers, then peel and slice thickly.
5) Clean up before Dan wakes and finds out just how much of the kitchen can be covered in sticky potato peel.
6) Add potatoes to bacon and onions and cook gently for about 10 minutes. They are not suppose to brown either. Nothing is supposed to brown. It just sits in the pan cooking gently and experiencing a sense of warmth and well-being.
7) "One large glass white wine"? What the heck kind of measurement is that? Decide 3/4 cup sounds good, then discover that we only have 1/2 a cup left. Add this to the potatoes and simmer until reduced, which is not long.
8) The recipe calls for one reblochon, but we use Grayson on account of my mother makes it and there's oodles laying around. A strong-tasting washed-rind cheese is what you're looking for here. Cut the rind off whatever it is and cut it in thick slices - think "slab". Layer some potatoes on the bottom of a greased baking dish, then layer some cheese, then the rest of the potatoes and the rest of the cheese. The recipe calls the four tablespoons of cream "a bit excessive", but I put it in. As far as I'm concerned, there is no such thing as overkill with dairy products.
9) "Moderately hot"? Now, I don't know how you French do things, but we English pigdogs have numbers on our ovens. Set the oven to 350 and put the baking dish in.
10) Bake about 20 minutes, until the cheese is thoroughly melted - don't overcook or you will get puddles of grease. Tempt Dan into waking with the promise of food. Eat.
My methods are sometimes eccentric, but the results are good. Honest.
Writing Progress:
| |
18,331 / 50,000 (36.7%) |
Today's Progress: 1,215 words
Comments: No one is hiring me as a speechwriter. But I'll fix it on the rewrite. It sure wasn't worth loosing two days to writer's block.
Snips: No. It is an icky speech. If the king were real he'd have my head for giving him a speech this bad.
Blogarama
